It was a bigger upset than Colorado over TCU. A more ghastly result than what awaits after eating a KFC Double Down sandwich. In a historic turn of events with unforeseen consequences, grizzled rule-bending forward Alex Diegel was voted as the EPRU’s Disciplinary Chair on a dark and stormy Sunday night.

“I’ve heard him threaten to murder someone on more than one occasion,” said frightened wing Alex Schaefer. “Then he showed me the knife!”

“As someone who has played 17 years, gotten plenty of yellow cards, but no reds, I think I know where the line is,” Diegel explained in his campaign.* “That’s why I think you should vote for me. Or don’t. I don’t fuckin’ care.”

After the surprising result, the Gaelic President was forced to reflect on the historic nature of this election. “I supposed if I’m caught now, I’ll have to turn to the boys, look them in the eyes and quote one of my heroes:”

“Suck my wiener,” local crooked cop Chris Armbrust was soon heard to say to the new Disciplinary Chair, in what could only be taken as some sort of odd attempt to solicit a bribe. (That’s not how bribes work, Chris).

This is an ongoing story and will be updated.

* Yes, this was an actual campaign quote.