Fueled by their joint passion for criticizing others, grizzled forwards Paul Holmes and Alexander Diegel have taken their services to the big leagues, offering critical criticisms to teams and players for a fee.

“The kind of flaws we point out can’t just be offered by anyone,” detailed Holmes. “We get into really personal stuff. Conduct background checks, scan social media for past embarrassments, that kind of stuff.”

“Facebook’s where the real gold is,” added Diegel. “If you had a shitty breakup in 2014, we’ll find it. And reference it in the video in some sort of hurtful analogy to your play.”

With a more than fair fee structure, the Destructive Duo is charging clubs $100 for a 5-10 minute video, $200 for a 15 minute video, and charges a $25 bonus if someone cries ($30 if it’s a wing).

See samples of Holmes and DIegs’ critical criticisms here:

(We hope you find these heartfelt analyses valuable. Also, thank God Hart unretired to play 80 minutes of fullback in the playoffs).