Upon a review of the health and safety protocols of Old Gaelic’s beloved Shestaurant, Safety Coordinator Paul Sommerville stood horrified at the results.

“I’ve never seen such blatant violations, ” Sommerville said in between bites of a freshly-grilled long hawt. “Old Gaelic’s going to really have to bring things up to code. Or else, ya know,” he said before shaking his wallet before the club officers.

Sommerville was given a dollar off of his dues to keep his mouth shut. Allegedly.