HEDGESVILLE, WV—Local resident Paul A. Holmes, 39, was widely praised Tuesday after successfully completing an entire Walmart shopping trip without physically assaulting a single customer, employee, or unattended self-checkout machine.

Witnesses reported that Holmes maintained remarkable composure despite encountering a shopping cart abandoned sideways in a main aisle, a family of six blocking the frozen foods section, a 40-minute wait in a six-person checkout line, and a man loudly conducting a FaceTime call on speakerphone near the pharmacy.

“I saw him clench his jaw a couple times,” said shopper Denise Fowler. “But then he just kept walking. That’s the kind of restraint you don’t see anymore. Not in Beckley. Not in this Walmart.”

According to sources, Holmes’ also endured a 17-minute behind a single customer attempting to pay for his groceries with a coffee can full of loose change. Despite the ordeal, he reportedly limited his response to a deep sigh and a thousand-yard stare.

In recognition of his achievement, local officials announced plans to present Holmes with the city’s highest civilian honor, tentatively titled the Order of Basic Self-Control.

At press time, Holmes was being considered for a second award after leaving the Walmart parking lot and returning home without engaging in a road-rage incident.